Scratch Paper

I have two kitty cat friends, Lenny and Steve. Like most animals of the feline persuasion, with or without claws, they love to scratch. Lenny and Steve have claws. Steve in particular has the kind of thick, scary claws that look like eagle talons and can splinter wood and rend flesh from bone. Right now their favorite places to scratch are my bed, my couch, and each other. According to The Cat Bible (not to be confused with the LOLcat Bible), if I give them a designated and sufficiently satisfying place to scratch, they will more or less leave my furniture alone. It makes no promises as to how they will treat each other.

Mr. Stevie Boo Gray Kitty demonstrates the nommability of cardboard.

My husband and I went back and forth about buying one of those monstrous beige carpeted scratching posts, which run from about $60-$150 depending on how tall they are and how many kitty crows' nests they have. Ultimately, we knew our cats would probably ignore all the kitty crows' nests and continue nesting on top of the refrigerator, where it is warm and there are plenty of interesting jars to knock down. Also, they are not interested in scratching carpet or sisal twine. Carpet is their best friend, as it allows them to reach warp speed when running across the house at 2 A.M. and induces cat nirvana when rolled upon. And they have never met a twine-based toy they couldn't unravel and become hopelessly entangled in. We have to hide the twine in cabinets with those child-proofing locks, because if we don't they will open the cabinet doors, take it out, and hog-tie themselves in a matter of minutes.

What they really like to scratch, bite, and demolish into tiny pieces is CARDBOARD. Enter: The cardboard cat scratcher.

Inspired by this lovely creation, I saved a giant stack of flattened boxes after moving with the intention of cutting them into uniform sheets and bolting them together.

Unbelievably time-consuming

We've been here for over a month and this is as far as I have gotten. Oh, sure, it looks easy. You're just cutting out a rectangle, right? WRONG! You're just cutting out a rectangle ABOUT A MILLION TIMES!!!!!! The pile above took me about four episodes of LOST to make, and I hate LOST. So to you, it may look like a little innocent pile, but to me it has begun to look more like this:

Oh noes!!! Run!!!

On the other hand, I have a giant pile of boxes in my apartment that need to find a new home at the recycling center. So, my blogging friends, I announce my intention to complete the cardboard cat scratcher by the end of the week. God willing, the cats will not only accept, but come to love this creation, and I can stop spending all my time listening intently for the sound of ripping upholstery, then running across the house to shoo them away from my quality furnishings.